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MOLLYWOOD BLVD: Storm Area 51 … Or not!

September 19, 2019

What are you doing on Friday, Sept. 20?

If you said you’ll be in Nevada storming Area 51, I might have to call your bluff. I RSVP’d “Interested” to the Facebook invite but there is no way I am doing it.

In case you missed it, early this summer a Facebook event was created titled: “Storm Area 51 – They Can’t Stop All of Us.” It was posted as a joke by a video game streamer named Matty Roberts who really could not have predicted it would go viral. He had just listened to the Joe Rogan podcast who had Area 51 whistleblower and conspiracy theorist  Bob Lazar on the show.

You may have scrolled by his Netflix documentary Area 51 and Flying Saucers. Within hours, thousands of people responded that they would attend. Now the event has over 2 million who have responded “going” and over 1.4 more who are “interested.”

The event details state, “We will all meet up at the Area 51 Alien Center tourist attraction and coordinate our entry. If we Naruto run, we can move faster than their bullets. Let’s see them aliens.”

I added proper punctuation and capitalization, because Roberts really didn’t put that much effort into this farce. But that’s the scary thing! Yes, it was a farce, but it looks as though at least some portion of these government-distrusting, alien-obsessed folks are actually going to make the pilgrimage to the desert.

Most of us likely RSVP’d, because we think it is funny and wanted some cheap entertainment by getting notifications from the Facebook event page. But there are definitely some diehards that will be making the trek.

This is America, so obviously businesses are already planning to capitalize on this planned raid. After the original event post came an onslaught of memes and other social media references to the raid from personal accounts to brands like Funjuns and Kool-Aid. Bud Light plans to release an alien themed beer label and rumor has it Arby’s will be catering the event with an alien themed menu and food truck.

In fact, business owners in Rachel, Nevada, a popular tourist destination town of just 56 people just outside the base on Highway 375, dubbed the Extraterrestrial Highway, are preparing for visitors. Local inns are already booked and one of the hotel owners is going to be preparing 30 acres for camping as well.  It sounds like it is going to be quite a party and undoubtedly thousands of people will attend.

It is to be determined how many will actually attend and actually attempt to enter.

If you don’t know, Area 51 is a United States Air Force facility within the Nevada Test and Training Range and has been the subject of conspiracies regarding aliens since the 1950s when there were several purported UFO sightings near the base.

Conspiracy theorists, and some just curious people, believe that aliens, UFOs or secrets surrounding them are stored at Area 51. Obviously this raid could potentially pose a threat to national security.

We know that the government has used this remote area 120 miles northwest of Las Vegas to test fly U-2s , the OXCART and F-117 stealth ground attack jet.  We know that the perimeter is heavily guarded and you cannot fly over the area without permission from air traffic control. Obviously our military isn’t going to disclose how they plan to deal with this onslaught of visitors, but you can anticipate that they will beef up security.

Air Force spokesperson Laura McAndrews said officials were aware of the event and issued a warning saying: “[Area 51] is an open training range for the U.S. Air Force, and we would discourage anyone from trying to come into the area where we train American armed forces. The U. S. Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets.”

She is not the only one issuing that warning. A public information officer at Nellis Air Force Base has also warned that “any attempt to illegally access the area is highly discouraged.” No duh.

It sounds to me like a good way to get yourself shot.  Haven’t you watched X-Files?  Whatever secrets Area 51 holds, alien or not, what makes you think the U.S Government will not use force to defend it? Of course they will, which is troubling. The CIA did not even confirm its existence until June of 2013 – that is how veiled in secrecy it is.

While there are so many theories on what it is they are hiding, whether it’s alien crafts or advanced technologies gleaned from extraterrestrial encounters, the idea that you are going to get in there to uncover the “truth” and live to tell is naïve to say the least. Not to mention, I am sure there are extremely high levels of security even if they did make it into the base.

People will get hurt, people will go to jail, and until they organize something a little more official and a bit more discreet than a Facebook post, I am afraid we are not going to find any aliens. The reality of what you will likely encounter even if the situation does not become hostile is a shortage of public bathrooms, no nearby medical care if an emergency arises, and a big old bill if your car breaks down on the sojourn since it’s literally in the middle of nowhere.

Hypothetically, for fun, let’s say a few of us were able to get in. If even 5% of the 2 million who clicked “Going” show up, that’s what, 100,000 people?  Surely they couldn’t stop us all, right? But what if we encountered underground aliens living at Area 51?

Based on all of our pop culture knowledge of the extraterrestrial beings, we had better be equipped with stuff they like: Coors beer, Reese’s Pieces. Cats?

But what if they aren’t wide eyed and adorable like Stephen Spielberg’s E.T. or fuzzy and friendly like A.L.F?  What if they are more like the winged Hawk men of Flash Gordon or the horrifying creatures from Ridley Scott’s Alien movies?  What if the people who go there come back as replicas like Invasion of the Body Snatchers?  It sounds like a great gathering, but I don’t want to end up in a pod, personally!

In all seriousness, if you are going, be safe … and believe.


By Molly Penny

SouthernMinn Scene | |
115 5th Street West Northfield, MN 55057